Pride Chronicles.
With some parts of the world celebrating pride month openly, there are so many other parts that are not able to celebrate openly. So they do their celebrating in hiding.
In a country like Nigeria, where being queer is frowned upon, pride month is celebrated however the queer people living here choose to celebrate.
I spoke to 5 queer people living in Nigeria, about how they navigate being queer and how they celebrate pride month.
What is your name, preferred name or Alias?
Hey, my name is Yinka.
I’m Khalifah.
My name is Demi.
I’m Bolly.
Hi, my name is Kim.
What are your pronouns?
Y: They/He.
Kh: He/Him
D: He/They
B: They/them
K: She/Her
How are you navigating expressing your queer identity in a country like Nigeria where being openly queer can be dangerous?
Y: I am a masc presenting trans person who passes as a cis guy (most of the time). But it is inevitable that one would be harassed, threatened and discriminated against for not being “manly” or “feminine” enough. It happens, I am used to it at this point. There’s no way to navigate that except push through it and not let it stop me from existing authentically. I’ve had to grow a tough skin, no amount of threats can push me back into the closet.
Kh: It’s a tough situation to navigate, but safety is the top priority. Finding supportive communities and spaces where I can be myself is essential. It’s all about striking a balance between being true to who I am and staying safe in a challenging environment. I don’t need to come out to any person. The only acceptance I need is to myself and not to anyone. To me coming out is where danger lies.
D: Personally, I’m not big on “hiding”. I wear what I want to wear, i hold hands, I live as authentically as I possibly can.
B: Ah, Ki olohun sanu (God have mercy). It’s been difficult especially in two different ways, having my identity invalidated and the profiling I experience. I look and dress unconventional, I walk around and people, especially older ones side eye me and profile me. I’ve also had to succumb to being referred to with pronouns that don’t work for me.
K: I’ve made peace with the fact that my reality is going to be a tough one. I am a Trans woman, and living in Nigeria. Our country is built to make life difficult for people like me.
What strategies or precautions do you take to ensure your safety and well-being as a queer person in Nigeria?
Y: I try as often as I can to “pass” as a cis guy. I avoid calling attention to myself or “flaunting” my queerness and I mostly limit my hangout to queer safe spaces. It’s quite unfortunate that we have to hide our identities and exist quietly, but we do have to prioritize our own safety.
Kh: My living a private life, where I don’t need to add others who are not okay with who I am, in my space, especially the homophobes.
D: I’m lucky enough to know and relate to 99% of queer people, so in that regard I never have to worry. I am however still wary in my dealings with everyday people, to a certain extent.
B: I don’t hangout with people none of my queer friends know, and I’m very cautious of people I allow into my space.
K: I try to avoid meeting strangers in their spaces. They either come to a space i’m comfortable with, or we don’t meet at all.
How do you find and connect with other queer individuals or communities in a society that isn’t openly accepting?
Y: Social media, queer hangouts.
Kh: By the help of support groups organized by queer organizations. This is a safe space where I can freely be who I am without thinking of anyone judging me. A place where I meet other queer individuals and share ideas together.
D: Twitter has always been an awesome avenue for meeting new people. I met most of the people I know now from there. Other times I meet people at events, or through other people I know.
B: Twitter, Twitter really is that girl for this.
K: Social media and events by queer people.
What ways are you celebrating Pride, while living in an environment that doesn’t support queer rights?
Y: Being loud and proud about my identity online, getting together with queer friends and having our own mini celebration, going to queer hangouts.
Kh: Most queer organizations here try as much as possible to organize a queer party or hangout every pride month, where we come and celebrate with other queer individuals during the pride month
D: There’s events lined up for pride. I also recently came from a workshop for queer people. I don’t have any future plans right now, but I mostly plan to spend it with my partner.
B: By attending queer events that I’m certain I will be safe at and I’m trying to create something for Pride. I am a photographer.
K: Attending every queer event.
Can you share any experiences or stories of resilience or solidarity within the Nigerian queer community?
Y: I have so many stories of queer folks coming together to help one of their own. One that stands out to me is the story of a trans man who was harassed and beaten up because of his identity. Myself and a few other people in a WhatsApp group chat rallied around to not only get him out of the house he was harassed in, we found him a new place to live in and access to people he can always reach out for help to if he feels unsafe again.
Kh: The creation of support groups and safe houses where LGBTQ+ folks unite to provide emotional backing, share resources, and foster a sense of community is truly remarkable. These displays of resilience and togetherness truly showcase the community’s unwavering spirit in navigating tough situations.
D: My most recent experience was a few weeks ago. I had been offline for a while, and I came back online on the 1st of pride month, and the welcomes and wishes were overwhelmingly sweet.
B: Not really.
K: I have stories for days. I have been kitoed a couple of times, and it was the community that made sure that I got out of that situation.
What role does online activism or virtual spaces play in your experience of being queer in Nigeria?
Y: Nigeria is largely unsafe for queer people. A lot of queer folks are still struggling to understand their identities. There is very limited access to resources and support. Online activists and queer focused organizations are playing a very key role in educating people and making resources accessible to people who would otherwise be unable to get them offline.
Kh: They have really played a vital role in my life, by educating me about my Human Rights. I have come to understand most of the rights I don’t know I have.
D: It helps people know they’re not alone. I used to host a queer space, and each time it happened, it went so great. It was affirming, we all learnt new things, people asked for advice and got it, people shared stories, it was just a wonderful, wonderful bonding moment every time.
B: I believe it plays the role of assuring queer Nigerians that their sexuality/identity is valid.
K: Online activism helps reassure me that i’m not alone.
How do you balance maintaining your queer identity with the cultural and societal expectations around you?
Y: It took a lot of questioning, unlearning and overcoming internalized biases, but once I decided my life is mine to live and my identity is mine to own, I stopped trying to conform to societal standards. I don’t exist to please society or fulfill cultural roles.
Kh: Navigating my queer identity in Nigeria, especially in the north, where it can be risky, is definitely a challenge. It’s about striking a balance between staying true to who I am and ensuring my safety in the environment I’m in. Building a network of understanding and accepting individuals has been crucial in maintaining my identity while respecting the cultural context I live in.
D: I do my best to live as myself to the best of my ability. So often times, I’m not inherently bothered by these things or modifying myself to be able to fit or pass in relation to these expectations
B: What is my own with social and cultural expectations? I don’t balance, I simply discard the expectations. Make them go warm eba chop biko.
K: I avoid places that hint at danger.
What sources of support and affirmation do you find most helpful in navigating your queer identity in a non-queer friendly country?
Y: Social media for all of its faults provides a really great space for you to meet and connect with people who are just like you. You can carve a safe space for yourself there, get access to resources, find opportunities etc.
Kh: I find online communities, like-minded friends, and LGBTQ+ support groups to be incredibly helpful. These spaces provide understanding, validation, and a sense of belonging, which are essential for maintaining my identity while facing societal challenges.
D: Friends, mutuals, my chosen family.
B: I think my answer would be having queer friends
K: My friends, chosen family and I have some daily affirmations that are very important to my wellbeing.
Say something to younger queer people.
Y: It gets better, you will find your own people and carve your own path. Stay strong.
Kh: To all the younger queer individuals, I want you to know that you are valid, cherished, and never alone. Embrace your true self, seek out those who support and uplift you, and celebrate your identity. Stay resilient, stay authentic, and remember, there’s a community here to back you up. You deserve happiness, respect, and acceptance just as you are. Keep shining brightly.
D: You’re amazing, and you should be proud of yourself. You’re valid, and you have a whole life ahead of you to learn new things, figure things out, experience life and love, and you deserve it.
B: You are loved and you’ll find your people
K: Be yourself, and stay safe.
Happy Pride🏳️🌈
